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Question:  “ Dear Ma-Ryah, God’s Blessings. I feel lost. It feels stupid to say that since I have enough knowledge to not be, but it’s the truth. For once. Back in May, I left my job because I really thought it was time and that it would be okay. Guilt I have about the part I played in destroying my family’s lives has popped up. Lies are something I’m good at. I think I have told so many that I am starting to believe everything is a lie. I’m sure you know. I have no job, no pull or desire to get one, no money and bills due everywhere. I keep thinking “ money is coming” and I don’t need to get a job and that seems fine and absolutely ridiculous! My guilt is building about the role I played in upsetting each family member’s life. I am wrapped in fear that I will be exposed for the person I really am and family will not be able to handle the darker side of me. I know I will pull out of this. I need to know I am not taking anyone down with me. So my question to you is:

Am I losing my mind? Are my lies catching up? Am I completely disconnecting from reality or is it a form of peace and a sense it will all be okay that I feel? My mind, ( my ego?) tells me I am deeply stupid for believing I am where I am supposed to be and even more stupid for thinking my guide is really talking to me and it’s not me putting words into his mouth. What am I not seeing? Is it my quilt that is throwing me off center? It seems wrong and day dreams to believe money is coming and I will be okay, but there’s this little voice that keeps telling me “ Believe” and I don’t know if I should listen to the rational side or the hope springs eternal side. Is my guide real? Am I getting better or worse? How do I stop destroying myself? Thank you.” R., New Jersey

Answer: “ God’s Blessings! This is Ma-Ryah from the higher realms of God. We shall be pleased to answer your questions and assist you. At your request your question has been shortened to place here in this public forum and names, specific details removed. 

We shall first address your job. You are able to say it is indeed time to leave the job and know it is okay. This works if you have balanced enough of the shadow of not being able to be successful and you do not deserve to be successful. However, at this point in communication with you we would say there is still some transformation to be done in order to have it successful for you to leave employment and have your own created business be profitable and sustaining financial stability for you and your life. Since we have spoken with you several times we know you do understand how the shadow script in a state of imbalance affects and impacts every part of your life. In specific here it affects your financial ability to create in a state of balance. The lack of desire to find another job is part of this script. If you do not have a job to sustain your financial responsibilities in your life, then there is no way you can create success with your business. The ego will indeed speak to you about how you are not able to do this without assistance from others and you are fooling yourself to think you can even begin to create your own business! You do know this to be truth and you are able to see how fear of success came up to sabotage your ability to create your own business. Right now you are in strong judgment of self in every area of your life. Right now the imbalances being created by being taken care of by another, no energy to seek employment, guilt over past actions; all of these come together and create a road block for you and so you find it easier to sit and not move forward. Your guide does seek to assist you, but the words of not requiring a job and to sit and wait for the money to come, does not come from your guide. Pay attention to your solar plexus as you read those words. Do you see how quickly your ego jumped up to say, “ told you so! You are just making this all up!” The perceived light side of your ego, what we lovingly refer to as the Angel in disguise part of humanity, is the one speaking to you to ‘just believe. You do not need to get a job. Just believe money is coming’ Do not be harsh in the view of this part of you. The light side of the ego is the side of humans who assist you to move forward. Believe it is indeed there and be able at the end of each day to see what actions have you taken to create it to be so. It does not matter to this part of you that you do in fact move forward a bit, learn more, receive information you did not previously have before it brings you back to the darker fear of self..

It is important at this point in your life to be honest with self and with all others. With self, be able to see how you are not creating from a place of balance. You desire deeply to believe in your self enough, to have faith in your business and your ability enough to not have to work for or with another. You have enough belief and faith to hit the path running and being successful from the first moment with your own business. You desire this to be your truth. And yet it is not your truth. Your truth is you do not deserve it because ___________! Your ego did not have any difficulty in filling in that blank! So by choosing to be honest with your own self, to admit as much as you desire it to be different the truth is for you in this moment of time, you are not able to not have money coming in to sustain your business. In order to assist the ego to be more willing to work with you honestly sit with self and paper. Write down all your financial obligations. Write down the amount of money required in your world to fulfill these responsibilities. Then write down what your goals are in regards to your business. List the many ways you are able to work for another and set aside time, energy and funds to assist the birthing of your business. Write down the ways you get word out to others about your business. If you find resistance in self for this part of the process, stop and instead make a list of what you are afraid of in regards to creating your own business. Then, what steps, what actions are you able to create on each and every day to assist the transformation and balance of these fears. Then return to the list previously spoken of and reflect on what you had written down in regards to your goals, business growth and success. Perhaps set a time frame with self. Say to ego,” in order to have time to transform my fears and perceived limiting thoughts and to give my self the gift of time to do this, I will work in another job for six months. By doing this I take care of my financial responsibilities and have money to invest in the birth of my business. At the end of this six months I will sit down, reflect on the past six months and reevaluate where I am at that time. If necessary, adjustments will be made and a new goal created.” You are able to see the way you are creating now is not working for you. It is not assisting you to create your business and be successful within it, so accept without judgment and condemnation where you are now and work with where you are now. That is courage, honesty and a commitment to creating success.

Now, we shall indeed address the difficulties of you and actions within the family. Please pay close attention to every area of your body and mind as many of these words will in fact stir up the shadows. We are aware of all the unspoken words in regards to this question. Balance, harmony and love is the intended outcome with all members and yet each person holds a piece that is easily able to be reacted from within the family as well as reactions which belong to the person who is reacting. Though it is often difficult in the human life to see each member of a family has a vital role to play in order to see the greater scripts of fear and transform them, each member has a role to play to show here is an imbalance as well as the balance.  We do understand in the human being this is not always able to be known. This is especially difficult for the human being when each involved is at a different level of healing and self knowing of their part within the script and actions within the family.

We commend you for beginning to see how you have created within illusion, or as you speak of it, within lies. We also do see how difficult it is for you to create the commitment of speaking in honesty with self and others. We would advise very strongly to have as therapist someone other than a family member who is also one who has difficulty with what has been created and experienced in the past. The desire is there to assist and yet the human part, the family member is also honest with self about the hurt, pain and angers created and not yet fully transformed within their own Being. In your journey towards balance and healing you desire very much to be assisted by family and yet in looking at this with honesty, you know in order to sustain the fragile bridge built over the years with family members it is important to work with one not connected or part of the dynamics of the experiences. Your ego will seek to have you seek and receive either forgiveness or rejection. When you become aware of this part of ego our advice is to not go there at this time. Your ego will seek to push you in this direction knowing you receive anger and rejection, thus validating it’s continued existence and belief in the scripts of separation, isolation and unloved. As of this moment in time you do not yet allow self to see all there is to see in this part of life. Do not grab hold of that and see it as judgment or criticism. It is merely truth; nothing more, nothing less. If you were to be aware of all the layers to be seen at one time you truly would not desire to even begin and would seek to run far from this part of you.

One step at a time. Seek the guidance of a therapist who is comfortable with the use of many modalities and tools to assist you to see the parts of your life you now look at with judgment, shame, blame, quilt and remorse. At this point in your journey it is not your goal or your ‘job’ to receive forgiveness from those you created these moments of imbalance and fear with, but it is to be able to see this part of you and forgive this part of you. Your goal at this point is to be able to see how you created, understand the tools you had at hand in the creation of these moments, and to be able to stand with yourself with compassion and forgiveness. You have fear of other family members not being able to handle the darker side of you. Our question to you child is this ~ do you have the courage to see and to know this side of you? Are you able to forgive this part of you? Are you able to see which part of these moments came from the child of self and which came from the building the justifications of your shadows? Another is not able to see the darker sides of you, forgive the darker sides of you and embrace the darker side of you with compassion and unconditional love, as well as awareness of what was their part, what did each have the opportunity to learn through this ~ if you are not able to do this with your own self. In order to create and experience life from a loving foundation, to create and know success in all areas of life it is important to create healing within the pain of self. 

Your guide is real but the only guidance your guide directs to you is love, support of your journey and the reminder that this too does not have the ability to stop you moving forward in life in a gentler and balanced way, unless you empower it to continue to sabotage you as it has done year after year in your life. The knowing your experience shows lack of job, encouragement to assist you to work within a job that is able to sustain you while you move into the goal of self sufficiency and self generated income. Love and support is always from your guides. Possibilities of failure? Not your guide, always your ego. We hold you with Love and applaud your journey. Honor also the journey of those you seek to create balance and love with. All will know when the time is ‘now’ for coming together in a healing and loving way. As long as all involved react, rather than respond, come from defense and pain rather than self ownership of moments created and understanding of one another in the difficult roles each played, then the time is not ‘now’. Honor, respect the others in the family and in the meantime see self and know love, forgiveness, compassion, empathy and able to own what was and is your part in the dramas of life experienced. In time forgiveness from family members connected to you in this comes, but not until you know this for self. 

God’s Blessings! This is all for now. “ Ma-Ryah