Rather than keeping the link to the archived messages, lessons, and writings on this web site I will be relocating all the archived materials here where you can easily access them if you desire. The old web site that sits in the back of this one will then be taken down and everything will be held here. I will be posting them with the dates they were created so you can follow the messages and lessons in order if you so choose to do that or you can access them in any order you choose.
It has been quite some time since I have posted any new messages or lessons from Ma-Ryah. That is changing also and new material will be added once again. My writings will also be more frequent. I have had many things happen since I moved here to Vermont in April, 2011 when my daughter was diagnosed with stage four cancer that has shown me how necessary it is for me to remove any remaining masks I still create with. One mask was removed by my daughter when she shaved my head right before she went into the hospital before she died. I had been dying my hair for almost thirty years, so afraid to allow it to be my natural hair color which is a mix of gray, white and dark hair. As my hair grew back in I chose to not dye it any longer and found the fear I felt all those years to allow it to be natural was not so frightening. It was just the opposite actually. It was very liberating!
I have spent many years being the Vessel for Ma-Ryah and not only have I learned by listening to her teachings, her words of guidance to remove the layers of masks and scripts have assisted me to remove many layers of shields; allowing me to be more and more vulnerable. With her help I have learned the strength of standing in my truth, no matter what. One of my strongest scripts my ego has created upon since I was a child is the script that “no matter what I do, no matter how much I give ~ it is never enough”. Another very strong script I create upon is ” I can’t trust anyone, including myself.” It is an understatement to say that I have put a lot of thought into whether or not to continue my work. Many people have worked with Shadow Transformation with Ma-Ryah for many years. Any one of them would be quick to tell you that if you do this work it is often the most challenging and difficult thing they have ever done. Most of them would tell you there are many times they wondered why they ever began it in the first place! I am among those who would tell you that. When you truly choose to transform the shadow scripts that hold you in a place of pain, fear, limitation, rejection, isolation, depression, and so forth you know it isn’t a journey that is going to be easy all the time. In order to change a part of you that has been so much a part of you for so long requires a committment to your self. Some of what you discover is harsh. Some of what you discover is surprisingly pleasant. Gifts and talents are discovered or rediscovered as the layers of ego are transformed. One thing I have discovered in this time here in Vermont is that for me to continue doing my work it is vital for me to take it to a deeper level. In order to be able to go deeper with others, it requires me to go deeper myself. More layers removed, more shields lowered, and more scripts of shadow held by my ego transformed. It requires me to stand more fully in my truth, the pleasant truths as well as the painful truths. It makes it necessary for me to be more vulnerable. In order to do that I will write about the child I was and how those two scripts I mentioned before became a ‘truth’ my ego created upon as though it was gospel. I will write about joy, moments of awe and I will write about sorrow and moments of great pain. My ego tells me this isn’t necessary. Of course it tells me that because as long as the truth, my truth isn’t written about, or spoken about it will not change. It remains. It stays and keeps me where I am. That is not a choice for me. Not everyone will like what I write every time. That is ok. Sometimes though what I write will resonate with another person. And when that happens they know they are not alone. When that happens they know someone in this world understands them and sees them. When the words I leave here resonate with another or touch the heart of another healing happens. My healing happens with the words I leave here. Their healing happens by knowing they too can change the scripts they have carried within their mind and heart that had them believing they are less than another and has limited how much love, trust, faith, happiness and joy they are able to experience. We all have our shields we hide behind. We all have parts of ourselves we keep hidden from others for many different reasons. Those reasons hold the key to our deepest, strongest scripts.
Today I have chosen to begin the journey I have put so much thought into whether to do it or not to do it. The deep scripts I have carried since my childhood have held me down in chains that quite honestly I no longer have the strength or energy to keep dragging them around with me any longer. My hope is that some of you will walk this journey with me and will be around when I find out who I am as the layers of fear and ego are transformed yet some more. I also know that if that doesn’t happen I am still ok. We require breath and the beating of our hearts to maintain life and to live this moment here and now. For me, I also require to go deeper, no matter how frightening that is to do. We all change through the years. Our experiences change us. We do not always know who we are any longer after some of the experiences we live through. The work of rebuilding myself has occurred many times in my life and since my daughter’s death last year I have begun rebuilding myself once again. I decided instead of only rebuilding again, I am ready to see who I am beneath the long held scripts I have been too frightened of to look too deeply at them. Someone I once respected very much years ago told me that whenever he looks at me he sees a rabbit. I was greatly offended by those words and very upset that he saw me as a rabbit. He asked me why it upset me. My answer was that rabbits are victims, rabbits are weak and rabbits are stupid. He asked me if I wanted to know why he saw me as a rabbit. I said, “sure.” He said a rabbit will sit quietly, not calling attention to its’ self and can sit motionless just observing everything else for hours. Once the rabbit is seen it will move and move quickly. If the rabbit is being pursued by a predator it will run and it will run as fast as it can, zigging and zagging doing everything in its’ power not be caught. When the rabbit can no longer run and knows it can go no further it stops running. The rabbit however doesn’t just give up and wait for the predator to kill it. No. It turns, faces the one who pursued it and surrenders. The rabbit faces what comes to it without fear once it surrenders. He told me that is how he saw me. He was right. I do just like the rabbit. And I have absolutely learned the art of surrender without fear. So today begins the moment the rabbit within me turns and faces the scripts that have pursued me for all of my life. I surrender to them. I am willing to see them clearly and to share this part of life’s journey with any one who wishes and chooses to walk this journey of transformation and discovery with me. Who knows? Perhaps I won’t be the only one finding out who we really are before life changed who we came here to be.