Members

September 7, 2008

Question:  “ Dear Ma-Ryah, God’s Blessings. I feel lost. It feels stupid to say that since I have enough knowledge to not be, but it’s the truth. For once. Back in May, I left my job because I really thought it was time and that it would be okay. Guilt I have about the part I played in destroying my family’s lives has popped up. Lies are something I’m good at. I think I have told so many that I am starting to believe everything is a lie. I’m sure you know. I have no job, no pull or desire to get one, no money and bills due everywhere. I keep thinking “ money is coming” and I don’t need to get a job and that seems fine and absolutely ridiculous! My guilt is building about the role I played in upsetting each family member’s life. I am wrapped in fear that I will be exposed for the person I really am and family will not be able to handle the darker side of me. I know I will pull out of this. I need to know I am not taking anyone down with me. So my question to you is:

Am I losing my mind? Are my lies catching up? Am I completely disconnecting from reality or is it a form of peace and a sense it will all be okay that I feel? My mind, ( my ego?) tells me I am deeply stupid for believing I am where I am supposed to be and even more stupid for thinking my guide is really talking to me and it’s not me putting words into his mouth. What am I not seeing? Is it my quilt that is throwing me off center? It seems wrong and day dreams to believe money is coming and I will be okay, but there’s this little voice that keeps telling me “ Believe” and I don’t know if I should listen to the rational side or the hope springs eternal side. Is my guide real? Am I getting better or worse? How do I stop destroying myself? Thank you.” R., New Jersey

September 28, 2008

Question: “ Dear Ma-Ryah, I have placed a replica of my heart into my God box with the intention to have my heart softened. Lately I have been experiencing an overwhelming sense of sadness. As if I am carrying a secret in my heart I can’t allow myself to know. Is this connected to my unfinished business on the beach, or have I just tapped into a place in my heart that hasn’t seen the light for a very long time? This morning I felt it necessary to intend for my heart to be eased of this ache. I don’t want to mask what is there because I feel this is important. Suggestions will be appreciated.” Light and Love, Aggie, N.J.