If only….

If only I was like Jesus
how much better life would be.
I could multiply the food within our world
and feed the multitudes who hunger.
If only I was like Jesus
I could touch a person
and heal them of their wounds in a moment.
No one would suffer.
No one would cry.
No one would feel alone.
If only I was like Jesus
I would love all people unconditionally.
I would see no difference in the holiest of holy,
and the cruel within this world for I would always see
the spark of divinity within all.
If only I was like Jesus
I would have a knowing of the Creator’s presence in my life
at all times, and doubt would never enter.
If only I was like Jesus
I would embrace all of life’s moments
no matter what they were and I would know peace within me always.
If only I was like Jesus
I could free myself easily of the chains of pain and sorrow
that sometimes binds me deeply to a moment of the past.
With chains released my heart could soar
no matter what darkness I have walked within.
But I am not like Jesus,
though I strive to see the good in all.
I struggle to understand the sorrows, grief and woes of this world.
I fall upon my knees in pain
as I seek to understand the darkness of our world.
Too many hours pass as I seek to unveil the understanding
of mankinds’ inhumanity to one another.
I do not understand deliberate acts of cruelty or wars
fought in the name of a loving and holy Being.
I do not comprehend these things at all.
I know too well the pains that others can place upon myself and others.
Compassion and empathy blooms within my heart
and I seek to never harm another with thoughts, words or deeds.
In precious and cherished moments
I have felt the unconditional love of the Creator
Wrap around me, hold me up and walk with me,
and I am grateful.
When all beauty seems to be gone from my life
I focus on the gift of nature and behold the beauty of the divine.
Sometimes that is enough to help me stand once again.
Sometimes that is enough to ease my isolated journey of life.
Sometimes it is enough to wipe away my tears
and mend another part of my heart.
But sometimes it isn’t enough
and I wish I was more like Jesus
because maybe then I could hear the voice of my Creator
telling me all is well and though I do not understand the reason
some things occur, I will live in joy once again.
I tell myself Jesus suffered too.
And because of love he moved within the tapestry of life
unfolded for him.
I do my best to live that way.
Creator, release me from my doubts.
My love of Jesus
in recent years has been clouded and hidden behind
the curtain of pain, suffering and judgment created by
so many who say they follow his teachings.
And yet…
I do not forget the love he showed me as a child.
I do not forget how he called me to him
and held me in his arms when my child body was raped
and tossed around, again and again.
I do not forget how he stood besides my baby’s bed
and gazing upon my precious child, turned his head
to smile and nod his head at me.
I do not forget how he stood before me in the moment of life
when he held me in his arms in the moment I chose him
in my body, mind and soul.
I do not forget how he spoke the words to the one of great darkness
and told him not to touch my soul for I returned to him.
No, I do not forget these moments at all.
If I was like Jesus
I would not allow the actions and choices of others ever
make me fearful to acknowledge how deeply I do love my brother.
As he held my battered body as a child
he spoke the words of love.
He told me he was my brother
and I too am a child of God.
If only I was like Jesus,
perhaps I would know this always
And never have a doubt.
In moments of my life
I know this to be true.
In times of darkness,
isolation and pain,
I wrap these moments around myself
and remember the brother I once could see,
feel, hear, touch ~
and remember all his love.
I remind myself it is my own self
who has placed the veil between us
that prevents me from seeing, hearing and touching
him once again.
If only I was like Jesus
I would be at peace.
Sharon Dvorak

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