My Shelf of Love

A shelf on the bookcase in my home has become my shelf of love. You may wonder why I call it that. This shelf holds very precious cards on it. Each one made by another person and sent to me each month for the past year.

Last year I had the opportunity to go home to New Jersey for a couple of weeks. I was able to connect with a group of very special people. When I lived in New Jersey I had Shadow Transformation classes with Ma-Ryah. Through my channeling of Ma-Ryah we would all meet several times a month to study and to grow together, releasing our scripts of limitation, separation, isolation, rejection and feelings of not being good enough or able to be loved. Shadow Transformation is intense work and yet it is so worth the effort as each transformation frees us up to remember who we were before life wrote our stories within us and we began to believe the many difficult and painful scripts we created upon within our lives. The group of women who came together in Wildwood Crest to study together became very important to one another over the many years we came together. We learned to be vulnerable with one another. We learned our group was a safe place to be seen in all our many parts of self. Our self of beauty, as well as our selves that were not so beautiful to be seen were all safe to be seen; knowing the other people in the group saw one another and loved each other just as we are. I speak of myself as being part of this amazing group of women because I listened to the recordings of Ma-Ryah’s teachings. I did the homework assignments too. And before I began to channel Ma-Ryah for the lesson, I spoke of and showed the results I created doing the homework. The years we spent together doing this work are such a vital and valued part of my life.

As many of you know, my life changed when I got the call about my daughter having cancer. You know my son and I left our lives in New Jersey and moved to Vermont. After my daughter walked on from this world, my son and I stayed in Vermont. We are learning to create our lives here. Some moments it is very difficult here and other moments, it is very nice to be here. Vermont is one of the most beautiful states I have lived in. That is a blessing for me because I find such healing and peace in nature. If you have read my post about the daffodil you can understand how much I really mean that statement. Nature is a soothing balm to the wounds of life for me.

Any way, to return to my shelf of love ~ After moving away, becoming involved and immersed in my daughter’s journey it became easy to disconnect in many ways with these women I had come to love so deeply. I separated myself from them in many ways because the journey I was on seemed so much more vital than the lives they were living. I soon could not imagine or seem to remember life before the journey of cancer with my child. I felt they really did not understand what I was going through. The journey I was on brought up many painful moments remembering how I had gone through the death of my son previously, and I listened to the ego telling me there was no way these women or any other people who knew me in New Jersey could really understand what I was going through. Even as I listened to the voice of ego, I also knew how grateful I was they did not know the journey I was on. That did not mean however that they were not still there for me, if I put down my walls of resistance. They were always there when I reached out. They held us all in prayer, love and assisted holding the vision of my daughter healing and doing well. When it became obvious my daughter was not going to stay in this world they were there to help and to listen to me, when I reached out to them.

I spoke once again of this part of my journey in the past few years to lay the ground work for what was to come last summer when I returned to New Jersey to spend time with these precious women again. We came together one evening while I was there and I brought Ma-Ryah through to spend time with them after we had all spent time with one another. Ma-Ryah of course spoke of many things and of the individual journey each of us had been doing since I moved away. I believe Ma-Ryah enjoyed chatting and connecting with them as much as they enjoyed connecting with her. That night before Ma-Ryah ended her communication she smiled and said she had a homework assignment for all of us. Her assignment for us was to make a card for each other once a month and to do this for a full year. She explained the importance of making the card rather than buying a card for each other because it is in the time it takes to make a card that we spend time with one another. As we create a card we hold that person in our minds. We think about them. We remember moments spent with that person and so during the process of making the card we energetically are with one another. It helps to keep the connection we shared with one another growing and continuing to be part of our lives.

I would be lying if I said that every month I looked forward to making the cards. Life does have a way of creating ways to distract us from the things that truly matter in our lives. Technology also makes it easy not to interact and connect on a deeper level. Some months I had to make myself sit down and begin to create a card for each of the women in the group. Other months I could not wait to begin and I was so full of ideas about what I was going to do for each one. I can not tell you how much it meant to get the cards each month! So often a card arrived for me from one of the women on a day when I was sad, lonely, feeling unseen and unimportant, and sure that no one cared that I was still part of this world. I would go to the mailbox and find a card waiting for me and immediately a smile would fill my face. I would literally skip for a few minutes back down the driveway to my apartment. Some months I would do a soft shoe and dance down the driveway. I would wait until I got back inside my home before opening it. I would first look at who it was from. Then I would have the mental image of them in my mind. I would open the card and look at the front of the card. I would hold it in my hands and bring it to my heart and feel that person with me. I would then open the card, read the words and read it again, imagining she was here with me saying the words she took the time to write to me. In a very busy world, when it seems making time to let the people we care so deeply about is often times difficult to ‘make’ time to spend together, something as simple as getting a card in the mail means so much. An email is nice. A post on facebook is nice. And yet for me nothing replaces having a letter to hold and read, holding a card and reading the words someone wrote to me. I can hold it, look at it, re-read it as many times as I choose. I can hold it on a day when my ego and shadows would love for me to believe I do not matter to any one in this world. That is not true. And I can say that to my ego and shadows while holding in my hands the manifested, physical card that someone took the time to think about me, create and decorate a card and wrote words from their heart to my heart. I have saved them all. Each month they find a place on my shelf of love where I see it each and every day. When a new card arrives, the previous one is lovingly put away and the new one sits on the shelf creating a place of love for me to draw from each and every day.

I will continue to do this for these women who mean so much to me. I have enjoyed this assignment so much! If you are looking for a way to connect again with someone, if you choose to connect in a way that isn’t reliant on technology, texting, or emailing, and you choose to show someone you care enough about them even if you do not see them often ~ perhaps you would also enjoy creating cards for them. Imagine a shelf of love in all our homes. How wonderful would that be to see every day, in spite of what else occurred in the world or in our individual lives that we have a shelf, a place where love is celebrated and seen every day?

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