Reflection of my day…

Soon I am going to sleep and bringing today to an end. One of the things I have learned by working with Ma-Ryah is to take the time before going to sleep to reflect upon my day and see what my day was filled with, whether it had more light, love and balance or more chaos, disharmony or fear. Have you ever had a day where your day began with you growling and snarling for no reason other than you woke up? Until today I had never had that experience! Don’t get me wrong, I have started the day in an angry mood, depressed mood and just plain old Blah! mood, but until today I have never snarled and growled when opening my eyes upon a new day. My bedroom receives the light of the sun in the morning and I do not have the windows covered with heavy drapes so each morning when the sun is shining I wake up with the sunbeams creating spotlights on my face. Today when I opened my eyes and began as I usually do by expressing gratitude for sleep, mostly undisturbed by Spirits stopping by for a chat because as they can very well see ~ I am not doing anything besides sleeping and they want to talk. So any way, I opened my eyes and said a brief thank you recognition of the blessing of a good nights’ sleep. This prayer of gratitude was followed by the growl coming from my throat, complete with eyes narrowed to go along with the growl! This was immediately followed by me speaking out loud and wondering where did this come from? I had no answer for my question. I had no clue why I would growl at the thought of starting a new day so I resolved it in the easiest way I could think of avoiding going deep in self reflection so early in the morning. I pulled the covers over my head, borrowed down with all sunlight blocked, told myself this seems like a good place to stay and then didn’t budge till hours later!

After spending the day being very clever in finding ways to make sure I was distracted and busy all day so I didn’t have to look back upon the morning and figure out why I growled like an angry wolf being disturbed, I finally reached a point where it was time to do something to shift my energy and attitude. I finally stopped procrastinating and stopped talking myself out of using the tools I have used successfully before to shift my mood and went out into the beautiful sunshine filled day.

It is very seldom I am ever without my camera when walking around town so after getting on my jacket and getting my camera I left the house to go for a walk. My walk began at the duck park in town. Thinking from a shadow place within my mind still, I chose to go there first on my walk because as long as I “have” to get out and walk I might as well make it worth something and I can gather feathers while at the park. I paint on feathers so I am always on the look out for feathers. The ducks were disappointed it was just me and my camera, and not me and cracked corn. They squawked their displeasure of my forgetfulness and not having any cracked corn for them and walked away from me. The duck in this picture got a lecture from me as I told it just leave me alone today and count its’ blessings because you know….I growled this morning. I don’t think the duck cared about that at all. Funny how it was still so much on my mind when I worked so ‘hard’ all day to distract myself from looking at that first waking moment.

I left the duck park after grumbling at the ducks for not having shed any big feathers for me to gather. I only found fluffy small ones and one good size feather I could paint. My grumbling let them know I felt the same towards them as they did towards me for not having cracked corn for them! Truthfully I don’t think they cared at all, but my shadow, grumpy self felt better letting them know I was disappointed there were not more feathers to gather and thus make this whole walk beneficial and serve a purpose.

I next revisited many places along the way from the duck pond down to the ocean. These flowers caught my eye as they received the late afternoon sun. When I left home I also berated my self for bringing my camera because I had procrastinated so long and thus lost the best lighting for photos, so another part of my ego was happy to point this flower out to the berating part of my ego. The berating part of my ego reluctantly agreed they looked nice even if I had missed the best lighting for taking photographs because I had procrastinated the whole day away. I sometimes wish I have not become so conscious of the many aspects of ego and so aware of the many conversations my thoughts have within my mind.  With the awareness of that thought spoken in my mind the subtle ego speaks up, congratulating me on getting out and walking on this beautiful day. Shhhh…I say to the subtle ego. I think I hear the distant rumbling of a growl building up again. Now I become aware of how much effort I am putting in doing my best to hold on to my grumpy mood. Interesting to observe….

Continuing on my walk I watch birds gathering in a yard I pass and say hello to the robins and the sparrows. I hear the crow call to me, look up at the crow and say hello. When I noticed how much effort I was putting into staying grumpy I remembered what I seemed to have forgotten again ~ I have a choice how I feel. I watched the birds for awhile and even saw a little chickadee in a bush too. My mood began to lift. Another yard I came upon had this beautiful rose bush growing side by side with the sea grasses found in this beach area where I live. Taking the time to snap this photograph I felt a smile forming on my face and gently spoke to the grumpy part of me beginning to judge the shift of attitude I was having now. I gently told the grumpy part of me to relax and accept the gift of the smile. Letting out a big sigh, the smile was accepted and my mood lightened up even more. Now, as I walked taking in the sights, smells and noticing plants and animals more I felt a song begin to move within me. Soon, as I got closer to the ocean I was observing I am humming as I walk. By the time I get to the ocean the sun is beginning to set and I am glad I ‘made’ my self leave the house and go for a walk. I was glad I chose to shift my attitude again. Walking along the beach, taking in the twilight energy, feeling harmony and balance within ~ I am glad I chose to have the day end differently than it began. Sunrise found me greeting it with a growl and sunset found me bidding it farewell with gratitude and a song in my heart. I hope your day also had some moments of gratitude within it and I hope your heart was filled with a song from time to time throughout the day.  Sometimes it seems to be impossible to remember we do have a choice in how we  experience our world, but we really do.  It sometimes takes more effort to change how we are experiencing our life but we really are able to shift it when we apply our will and choose a different outcome. It would have been easy to stay in the energy I created by greeting the start of the day with a growl, or to stay buried under the covers all day hiding from the world ~ after all who would want to get out of bed if you began your day sounding like a ticked off wolf? Crazy! I also know how much  effort it took to keep myself in the story of the growl, the energy of the heavy, shadow feelings all day. My ego is good at that. It can hold onto a shadow moment in the most incredible ways! I also know I am more than shadow. I know how easy it truly is to feel in harmony with everything around me. Personally, I enjoy feeling in harmony with myself and the world I live in ~

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